She Farms

Remember my friend Nicole, the one you all wanted me to clone for your personal friending pleasure?

(I'm sorry, but I saw her first.)

Like me, Nicole lives in the city (5 minutes from me) and owns chickens. But the similarities end there.

Me: Co-owns seven chickens. Still cannot remember exactly which varieties they all are and what the difference is between Star and Night.  Birds tend to have names that are either very birdy -- Feather, Cluck, the like -- or very descriptive -- Midnight, Twilight.

Nicole: Owns fifteen chickens, I think? Always names them in pairs. For example: Coal and Oil. Orange and Tangerine. Purplehead and NonPurplehead. Knows exactly who is whom instead of leaving that job to the kids.

Me: Reads books in spare time.

Nicole: Rides horse, teaches riding lessons, and does other horsewomanlike stuff several times a week. Mucks out stable with baby in backpack. Was actually kicked in the head by her own horse as a teenager and had to miss weeks of school. Still rides. Even when pregnant. Even when it's Texas in the summertime.

Me: Has thought about getting a dog.

Nicole: As of last week, OWNS A PIG. An absolutely darling little piglet who lives in her backyard and whom SHE IS PLANNING TO SLAUGHTER when Wilbur, I mean the pig, named Pecanderosa, reaches his or her full 250-pound potential. Look at that widdow face!

Let's face the cold, hard facts. In an Urban Farmer smackdown, I wouldn't have a fighting chance. Nicole would take me every single time.