Blah

I'm feeling kinda discouraged, and as opposed to my usual custom of proposing longwinded posts about it in my head and then feeling too exhausted by nighttime (which is when I can usually get time to post) too get into it, I'm going to steal the 5 minutes I have right now to get SOMETHING out.
I just wish, as I do more often than I'd like to admit, that I felt more successful as a homeschooler. That we had more "good" days instead of days when I constantly question my fitness for this position. What are "good" days, you ask? What is successful? OK, successful means that all the children, except possibly Caroline, are present when I call them to lessons (the first time!) and are eager and engaged in what we're doing. And really, I don't ask much. We spend a mere sliver of our day in structured academics, and even that is often done casually and, in my view, with plenty of interaction and variety (example: math baseball in the yard; short grammar lessons, reading Ian's favorite Usborne Illustrated Encyclopedia of World History, copywork that I make easy for him by letting him trace my handwriting, etc.) But so often, I feel like I'm just barely managing to hang onto him, like he'd rather do anything else. He knows not to give me a BAD attitude about it, but how I would love a genuine enthusiasm for what we're doing. The only time I truly feel the vibe is when I'm reading a good book aloud or we're doing the occasional craft. So should I only do those things? No "vegetables," so to speak, but only chicken nuggets and dessert??? I so want to inspire a LOVE of learning, not the attitude that learning is a chore, a grind, a power struggle with Mom -- after all, that's one main reason we're homeschooling! Sigh. Double sigh.

I have prayed about this a lot and just don't have a clear idea of how the Lord is leading us. On the other hand, there is a ray of hope -- Eliza loves whatever I suggest to her! (Well, learning-wise, that is. Not so much the putting of dishes into the dishwasher.)

I'm sure we'll revisit this theme later ... but it's time for the biweekly scramble to taekwondo.