We were just babies, really! Hardly out of those onesies I referred to yesterday.
I had barely turned twenty. The Professor was newly twenty three. In the New England of my youth, college-edjamicated folks just didn’t do that. I KNOW some eyebrows raised.
But here we are, thirteen years and three kids later. On that day, we were totally convinced that due to the exalted nature of our love, our marriage would remain special and romantic for all time. Now, please take the following at face value: One thing I’ve learned in the past thirteen years is that no relationship is above the need for consistent effort and renewal. Decay and entropy happen – in nature, in relationships. Fighting back requires some of that determination that convinced you what you had was special in the first place. It takes daily choices, a focus on loving rather than on being loved. Often, it requires divine power – the same power that raised Christ from the dead – to move us beyond our selves.
Want to hear one of our secrets to a happy marriage? It’s super deep and groundbreaking, guaranteed to fend off the blahs. It’s a little game we call “YOU’RE A …”
Here’s how it goes.
Scenario A. We’re wandering through a public park.
Me: “That’s an interesting sculpture.”
Him: “YOU’RE an interesting sculpture.”
Scenario B. We’re eating dinner.
Him: “I like this dish. It’s a little bit salty and a little bit spicy.”
Me: “YOU’RE a little bit salty and a little bit spicy.”
Scenario: He bursts in the door, home from his evening bike commute.
Him: “There is the most awesome sunset outside right now! Did you see it?”
Me: “YOU’RE an awesome sunset, and I see YOU.”
Our kids roll their eyes a bit, but even they get in on the act sometimes. (“I knew you were going to say I was a really unusual car!”)
Our book, "How to Save Your Marriage, One Snarky Comment at a Time," will be out next summer and promises to tear up the bestseller list. In the meantime, you can try this strategy in the privacy of your own home and see if it isn't too much fun.
Happy Anniversary, my love! YOU'RE too much fun.